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Writer's picture Emma Holbrook

Mary Boleyn – victim of abuse from her manipulative, power-hungry male relatives?


Mary Boleyn – portrait – © Unknown artist – The Royal Collection Trust


When the name of Boleyn is mentioned anywhere, almost the first figure to pop into your mind is Anne Boleyn, the ill-fated Queen who made a King fall so in love with her that he divorced his first wife so he could marry her yet sent her to the executioner’s block only three years later once he grew bored of her. After Anne, you might think of her brother George whom she was accused of incest with or her power-hungry father Thomas Boleyn but it is extremely rare for someone to pay attention to her older sister, Mary Boleyn.


Despite many biographies having been written on her life, we actually know very little about Mary Boleyn’s life other than her affair(s) and marriages, leaving Mary a puzzling figure in history. Historian Eric Ives once commented that the life of Mary Boleyn “could be written on the back of a postcard with room to spare” yet she is one of the most interesting figures in Tudor history *because* we know so little about her, leaving much to speculate about her life.


Known to history as the ‘great and infamous whore’, Mary Boleyn has often been portrayed as the promiscuous, forgettable older sister of Anne Boleyn as well as the mistress to two of the most handsome Kings of the 16th century; Henry VIII of England and Francis I of France. But there is suspicion that Mary’s supposed affair with Francis I never actually occurred as there is very little evidence to support this claim, which we will discuss later on in this post.


However, the other theory we will be discussing today is whether Mary’s promiscuity was actually a result of her father’s (and other male family member’s) abuse and manipulation into achieving their own means, even if it meant the destruction of Mary’s reputation. Whilst we cannot give a definitive answer to either of these theories, this post aims to provide a better light onto some of the most controversial theories on the Boleyn family.



Mary Boleyn’s early life


So, before Mary Boleyn became known as the ‘great and infamous whore’ that we know her as, what did Mary’s early life look like?


Our post The scandalous Boleyn sisters; Mary (the girl beneath two Kings) and Anne (the future Queen) gives a more in-depth description of Mary Boleyn’s life but we have provided a small introduction to Mary Boleyn’s early life below:

As was common during the Tudor era, the exact year of birth for Mary Boleyn is unknown (similar to her younger siblings) which makes it difficult to pinpoint how much younger she would have been than her royal lover(s) but it is believed that she was born between the years of 1499 and 1504 at Blickling Hall in Norfolk—as her younger brother George is believed to have been born circa.1504-1508 and her sister Anne circa.1501-1505.


Despite common misconception, it is believed that Mary was the eldest of the three surviving children of a possible eight (as all her other siblings sadly did not live past early infancy as was also common during Tudor times as child mortality was at a high) to her parents Thomas Boleyn, 1st Earl of Wiltshire (a man known for using his high-skills in political affairs for achieving his own goals for himself and his family) and his wife, Elizabeth Boleyn (nee Howard), Countess of Wiltshire (a woman was seen as quite pleasing to both look at and engage with for men of the English court).


Evidence to suggest that Mary was the eldest of the siblings or at least older than Anne is that she married before Anne, as traditionally throughout history, the elder sister would have to be married before the younger could (yes, I am referencing one history’s best romances; Jane Austen’s ‘Pride and Prejudice’ where this tradition is challenged through Kitty Bennett marrying before her eldest sisters and oldest sister, Jane).


Since Mary was the ‘eldest’ of her two siblings, her parents doted on her as equally as they did their sole surviving son and youngest daughter, ensuring that Mary learnt the necessary and expected skills for a woman wanting to secure a suitable marital match as well as maintain a highly sought-after place within the English court.


The Boleyns moved from their estate at Blickling Hall to their permanent residence at Hever Castle in Kent at some point during Mary’s early childhood and it was here that she was raised and here that she learnt many fine skills alongside her younger siblings such as; a conventional education deemed suitable and essential for young ladies of higher social ranking which included grammar, history, arithmetic, reading, spelling and writing.


Naturally, women also received training in other ‘feminine’ accomplishments which would help a woman stand out as ‘suitable’ wife material or helpful for succeeding in the royal court. From dancing, embroidery, etiquette, household management (as women were reasonable for running the household in her husband’s absence), music, needlework and singing. Her sister Anne also learnt these skills and it is strongly believed that both sisters shared a love of commonly played games and activities such as cards, chess, archery, falconry, riding and hunting—although the last few were not common skills for women to hold but her father might have seen this as an advance that his two daughters could have over other women their age for making a name for themselves.


Sadly, Mary was the daughter of Thomas Boleyn, one of the King’s most important court members and also a very cunning and intelligent man who would use these skills to achieve his desire to bring the Boleyn family ‘out of the shadow’s, so to speak, and into the limelight, to make them one of the most powerful families in England. He was fluent in French and possessed excellent political expertise which allowed him to become Ambassador to France, providing him the perfect opportunity to send his two young daughters overseas to gain more fantastic educational advantages. Many believe that the fall of his family is more on the blame of Thomas Boleyn and his political ambitions as it is because of his power-hungry nature that his children paid the price for his need for political control.


. . .


Was Mary Boleyn the mistress of Francis I?


This is a question that has continued to baffle historians for decades because the simple answer is that we cannot say for certain whether or not Mary was actually having an affair with King Francis I during her time in France. What we *can* say is that there is very little evidence to support the claim that she was Francis I’s mistress as what evidence we are presented with comes years after the affair supposedly took place and this evidence can be disputed with the information that we *do* know.


As stated, now that Thomas Boleyn was the Ambassador to France, this permitted him the power and opportunity to send his two young daughters to France for a better education, one that would improve their chances of attracting a high profile marriage. As Mary is believed to be the oldest and around fourteen/fifteen at the time, Thomas’ newfound status offered her the honour of accompanying the king’s sister, Princess Mary Tudor, as a maid-of-honour to Paris as she was arranged to marry the very-much-older-than-her King Louis XII of France.


This position would have been one of the best chances Mary (and Thomas obviously) had to build her reputation as a respectable young lady and attract other noble families (both in France and England) towards betrothing their sons to Mary (as would be the hope for her sister Anne). Accompanying the Princess to France meant there was a chance to befriend her, as Thomas would have strongly encouraged her to, as it meant that, should Mary receive any requests to court or propose to her, the Princess could surely put in a good word for one of her maid-of-honours and this could only increase Mary’s popularity at the French court if she were a favourite to the new Queen of France.


And this was surely looking to be the case as almost all of Mary’s ladies were sent away apart from Mary, undoubtedly due to her father’s position at court which allowed him to send off her sister Anne overseas also.


Unfortunately for both Princess Mary and Mary Boleyn, the Princess’ marriage to King Louis XII was short lived as around three months later on 1st January 1515, the King of France passed suddenly reputedly worn out by his exertions in the bedchamber, but more likely from the effects of gout. This left Princess Mary a widow and no longer the Queen of France (although she would be known as this for the remainder of her life), leaving her with no choice but to return to England to do her brother, the King’s, bidding—although she would defy him by marrying one of his childhood friends.


Fortunately for Mary Boleyn, however, when Francis I rose to the throne of France, he permitted her to remain at his court despite her mistress returning back to England, most likely still a result of her father’s position.


Now, this is the part where things get a bit complicated—many believe that Mary’s affair with the King would have begun as soon as he came into power but the truth is that we have no information about Mary’s whereabouts or what she was doing during the years of 1515 to 1520. Without this information, we cannot say for certain when or if an affair between Mary and King Francis I took place, leaving many historians to believe there never was one as the evidence provided dates many years after Mary’s time in France and more around the time of her sister Anne’s fall from grace.


Let us take a look at the ‘evidence’ that we have been provided with to support the claim that there was an affair:


We are first presented with the idea of the affair from a letter written on 10th March 1536 by Rodolfo Pio da Carpi, the Bishop of Faenza who negotiated with Emperor Charles V as well as Francis I, to Prothonotary Ambrogio. In his letter, Pio writes:


“Francis said also that they are committing more follies than ever in England, and are saying and printing all the ill they can against the Pope and the Church; that “that woman” pretended to have miscarried of a son, not being really with child, and, to keep up the deceit, would allow no one to attend on her but her sister, whom the French king knew here in France ‘per una grandissima ribalda et infame sopre tutte [a great prostitute and infamous above all].'” {1}


In his letter, Rodolfo Pio is claiming that Mary’s sister, Anne Boleyn who (at the time the letter was written) had married King Henry VIII of England and suffered failed pregnancies over their three year marriage, had not miscarried a son in January 1536 but that she had actually *pretended* to be pregnant and Mary, who helped her ‘keep up the deceit’, was someone the French King ‘knew for [a great prostitute and infamous above all]’. However, this letter cannot be taken as valid proof that this affair taken place because of the inaccuracies from the information we do know.


Firstly, we should consider that this letter was written in 1536, around 20 years after the affair supposedly would have taken place and (as most of you know) royal affairs rarely remained a secret for that long. If Mary had truly been having an affair with Francis I, it would have only taken a few weeks or months before the whole French court (and then the English court) were made aware of this fact. Therefore, it is questionable if an affair even took place if it took until 1536 for it to be made public knowledge and was most likely a fabricated rumour spread to discredit Mary, her sister Anne and the entire Boleyn family since their fall from grace was pretty much guaranteed by this point in time. Secondly, it is *impossible* for Mary to have helped Anne pretend to be pregnant and then miscarry this child because a) Mary had been banished from court by Anne in 1534 (we will discuss this further later) for marrying without permission and b) Anne did in fact have a miscarriage in January 1536 which added further fuel to Henry VIII’s fire to be rid of his second wife. By 1536, almost the entire world had heard of Anne Boleyn and the evangelical Boleyns behind Henry’s decision to break from Rome, and most hated her due to their respect for Henry’s first wife, Catherine of Aragon, including Italy where Rodolfo Pio certainly would have shared this hatred. If he did not even respect her by referring to her title as Queen, instead calling her ‘that woman’, does this not prove he could do further damage to her reputation through his words?


How can we trust Rodolfo Pio’s words to be fact and not a fabricated lie if he shared a hatred for Anne Boleyn (as well as her sister and other family members) and would have said anything to make them out to be something they weren’t?


We’ve seen this many times with other figures in history claiming Anne Boleyn to be a witch and have physical deformities and these (alike Mary being Francis I’s mistress) have been believed to be facts when they are indeed fiction.


The idea of Mary having an affair with the French King was sadly taken to be truth by many throughout history; Nicholas Sander (1585) stated soon after Mary Boleyn came to the French court that “she was called the English Mare, because of her shameless behaviour; and then the royal mule, when she became acquainted with the King of France” {1} and in the Tudors, we see Francis I brag to Henry VIII during the Field of the Cloth of Gold that “I call Mary my English Mare because I ride her so often.”


However, if we consider that an affair *did* actually occur and given that Mary, up until this point, was acting as a respectable young woman would in her circumstances—might we assume that her father might have played a role in Mary accepting to be Francis’ mistress? If we take away the fact that he was a handsome and very sexually active King (considering he took many mistresses during his reign) who might have been able to seduce Mary into damaging her reputation, might her father (the Ambassador to France) have manipulated his impressionable daughter into sleeping with the King of France in order to increase his political favour and power in France? Mistresses’ families gained from an affair as a King would lavish gifts upon gifts upon them, would this have been Thomas Boleyn’s goal?


Whether it happened or not, Mary being Francis I’s mistress is considered a fact and it is highly unlikely that we will ever learn the truth or find valid evidence to support the claim.



Was Mary encouraged and manipulated by her family in her affair with Henry VIII?


But what about her relationship with Henry VIII—how did her father, her other family members and even Henry VIII abuse and manipulate Mary in regards to her affair with the English King?


Well, let us examine what we do know about Mary’s affair with Henry VIII—an affair that we conclusively know took place, unlike her ‘affair’ with Francis I.


The exact date of which Mary returned to England from France is not known but we do know that she was back in England by 1519 or early 1520 as Thomas Boleyn had her placed into the respected, highly sought-after household of the English Queen Catherine of Aragon as a maid-of-honour as a way of teaching her the proper etiquette for a sophisticated lady (as if she was still that). After all, Mary was considered very much a beautiful woman in her time so naturally, she had a place in the Queen’s service.


Following her return to England with her sister in around 1519/1520, Mary was quickly married off to her first husband, Sir William Carey, who was a wealthy gentleman of the King’s court and one of his favourites which was probably why he served the king as a Gentleman of the Privy chamber as well as an Esquire of the Body to the King. Both of these roles were very serious and were only given to the King’s favourites or someone who had great power and influence in the English court.


All manners of people were present at the wedding, including both parties’ family members, members of the court and even the King and Queen, a rare sight indeed. But then, Mary was one of her ladies at the time.


It is believed that not long after marrying William Carey, Mary caught Henry VIII’s eye when she played the role of Kindness in the Chateau Vert pageant of March 1522 as part of the celebrations for the arrival of the Spanish ambassador in which Mary might have initially caught the attractive gaze of the King with her sophisticated dancing and exquisite beauty. Many believe this acted as the start of her affair with the King but there is no definitive evidence to prove this.


Either way, it did not take long for the very public affair between Mistress Boleyn and the King to blossom, although Susan Abernethy believes that Mary might have initially attempted to reject the King’s advances to preserve what little respect she had left and to honour her marriage vows. Regardless, there is no doubt that an affair took place, even if the exact details are unknown or if the evidence to confirm it is scarce.


Whilst Mary’s alleged affair with the French King would have caused a scandal amongst her family, her affair with Henry VIII was more than accepted but encouraged by her family, especially her father and brother.


You see, royal mistresses not only had the pleasure of warming the King’s bed but their families profited from their daughters, wives or sisters becoming the King’s latest ‘fling’, so to speak. Male relatives would be offered monetary gifts, new titles, granted ownership of profitable land, unmarried males would be able to negotiate better marriage contracts etc. Basically, if your female relative was the King’s mistress, you could practically suggest for the King to pay you for her services, not directly but through other ways.


And the Boleyns made sure to utilise Mary’s affair with the King to the fullest; Thomas Boleyn, George Boleyn and her uncle Thomas Howard (through her mother Elizabeth) all benefited from Mary’s affair by gaining more important titles and political power, all of their wealth dramatically increased and George’s marriage to Jane Boleyn (formerly Parker) was said to have been a result of his rise in the King’s favour—and Anne’s courtship and later marriage to the King also brought about more advantages for these men.


Even Mary’s husband profited from her affair with Henry and historians believe this might have been Henry’s way of saying ‘I’m sleeping with your wife so I’m paying you to keep quiet and happy about it’ *or* because of the fact that Mary’s two children might have been his illegitimate children and he was paying William Carey off to pass them as his and not question their parentage. William Carey received various royal grants from the King and these grants are often used as evidence that Henry was ‘compensating’ him, if you will, for caring for Henry’s possible children but many argue that since William Carey was a favourite of Henry’s, alike Henry Norris or Charles Brandon, this would have been the norm even if Mary wasn’t his mistress.


There is even speculation that Mary’s mother, Elizabeth Boleyn, encouraged her affair with the King as she herself grew in importance alongside her husband and was gifted jewels and expensive clothes as a result.


The word ‘encouraged’ might be overused and quite frankly underestimating what really happened between Mary and her family during her affair with the King—there is little doubt that, should Mary have wanted to end her relationship with the King, Henry VIII would have taken it lightly and easily found another woman to warm his bed in little to no time. However, she might not have found it easy to do so on account of her father’s influence over the relationship—there is evidence to show that some male relatives, mostly fathers or brothers, were manipulative and controlling over their daughters and female relatives, almost to the point where they were emotionally and mentally abused into doing whatever their male relatives wished, even in regards to things they could freely choose to do (or not do).


And considering that Mary’s affair with the King had increased their power, wealth and fortune, there is little doubt that Thomas Boleyn would have willingly allowed his daughter to end the affair without his say so. Not when he could milk the relationship for all it’s worth whilst the King was still interested in her. It would also explain why he refused to financially support his daughter when his youngest daughter, Anne, became Queen and banished her sister from court when she married below her social standing and without her Queen’s permission.


If his daughter could no longer benefit him, he had no use for her—further showing that he might have manipulated her into remaining the King’s mistress for as long as she did, although she might have stayed because she cared or even loved the King but we just don’t know.


Sadly enough, Henry VIII himself had to intervene with Thomas Boleyn in regards to supporting his struggling, now widowed daughter which prompted him to make a provision for her in late June of 1528. Meanwhile, Anne Boleyn was given wardship over her young son, Henry in the same year—her son’s name adding further suspicion to the boy’s true father. Later in December 1528, Henry allowed Mary to be assigned an annuity of £100 (around £32,000 in today’s money) which had been paid to her husband during their marriage which would help her during her financial struggles.


Ironically, some say Anne’s ‘cruel’ banishment of her sister from court was not done because of the disrespect Mary had shown but out of malice and jealousy over how the King, now married to Anne, still showed a care and affection towards Mary and she hated how her sister had once been her husband’s lover and the fact that they had a carnal knowledge of one another that—unlikely but Anne was paranoid at this time—might be reconnected at any given point.


Poor Mary was mistreated and unloved by her family throughout her entire life and sadly, it seems the end of her life was no different.


When her family were in ruins and her siblings were imprisoned within the Tower, Mary tried desperately to see them but was turned away. There is even a belief that Mary requested a private audience with the King as a final resort to saving them from their inevitable doom. Even if she appealed to the King’s heart, his mind was set on ridding himself of the wife that disappointed him, even if it meant killing her to achieve his new goal of marrying his third wife and her cousin, Jane Seymour.


After her family’s ruin, Mary faded away into relative obscurity and retired to the countryside with her husband, enjoying a happy and blissful marriage which resulted in several more offspring. It seemed as though she had cleared herself of any involvement with her disgraceful family or any recurrences with her past. And this seemed to work in her favour as her eldest daughter would go on to serve her ex-lover’s fifth wife (and another cousin of Mary’s), Catherine Howard.


Whatever became of Mary is unknown as she would die of unknown causes on the 19th of July 1543, in her early forties and outlasting all her siblings as well as her parents.


It is believed that she resigned herself with the tragedy that had befallen her and tried to keep herself away from the mischievous ways of the court, though she was said to have spoken well of her sister and the King in her last days, showing them both the respect and love she had always borne them.


Fortunately for her, it would have been a comfort to know that both of her children were favourites of her niece, Queen Elizabeth I, and they were treated with the utmost respect as were other Boleyn relatives during her reign.




Mary might not have been perfect but she was still human and it is sad to think that she was mistreated and insulted in such ways throughout her life. Even if she was Francis I’s mistress or as promiscuous as she is made out to be, she did not deserve the slander against her name as she was still just a young woman trying to live her life in a patriarchal, dominating society.


And today, on the anniversary of her death, I hope we can all take a moment to remember her not as the ‘great and infamous whore’ but as the strong-willed, beautiful and caring woman she was in life.


Until next time!


- Have a ‘Tudor-fic’ week!



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