(Cover image – © The Tudors – Showtime)
Receiving love, attention, and approval from one’s father is something that young women throughout history have constantly sought after as a woman’s relationship with her father can influence many things such as her self-esteem, her future relationships and self-image. If a woman does not receive her father’s approval or feels neglected by him, it might result in her feeling as if she has not achieved much in her life and view herself in a negative light.
Sadly enough, many women of the Tudor era felt a consistent need to meet their father’s approval for their life choices, behaviour and practically every other aspect of their life. Since a father was usually the one who dictated the future of a female relative (unless the father was absent or deceased where another male relative e.g., brother, uncle, stepfather, or grandfather would oversee her future affairs), young women had an enormous amount of pressure thrust upon them to be obedient, ladylike, and content with the life they have been chosen for.
Many fathers ultimately would not view their daughters in a positive light due to the nature of their sex as boys were preferrable over girls and therefore, if a daughter was born, some men viewed it as bothersome to have to ensure their daughter’s reputation remained intact and that they secured a suitable match that proved advantageous for the father rather than the daughter.
Almost every woman in the Tudor period was forced to endure this in their lifetime and this did not exclude Queen Mary I of England whose relationship with her father, King Henry VIII, experienced a lot of coldness, neglect, abuse but also love, respect and most importantly, forgiveness. Despite the cruel, unloving nature Henry VIII had towards those he cared for, there were moments where Henry expressed unconditional affection and attention to his family, more specifically his children.
Mary I, or Mary Tudor, was the eldest surviving child of Henry VIII and his first wife, Catherine of Aragon, who was born on 18th February 1516 to two very proud parents. As mentioned before in the previous post, both Henry and Catherine were delighted when their healthy daughter was born alive (following many miscarriages and possible stillbirths) despite her not being the son they hoped for and Henry was very proud to show off his newborn daughter to his court.
David Starkey commented on an example of this behaviour from Henry in his book Six Wives of Henry VIII where he states that;
“One such occasion took place on 23 February 1518, when the
Venetian ambassador, Giustiniani, had an audience at Windsor.
The King ordered the Princess, who had just celebrated her second birthday,
to be brought in. Solemnly, Wolsey, ambassador Giustiniani and the
attendant lords kissed the child’s hand. Then Mary caught sight of Friar
Dionysius Memo, the great Venetian organist, who was then resident
keyboard virtuoso at Henry’s Court. ‘Priest! priest!’ she ‘commenced
calling out in English’ and would not stop until Memo agreed to play for
her. Henry was delighted at the display, which showed that Mary was in
truth her father’s daughter: musical, precocious and imperious far
beyond her years.” {1}
Similar to Catherine, as the years rolled by and no sign of legitimate male heir showed (as his son Henry Fitzroy with Bessie Blount was illegitimate and therefore unable to rule), Henry began to legitimately consider Mary as his future successor, should any future efforts to produce a male heir prove unsuccessful. This news thrilled both Catherine and Mary as it meant that all their efforts to give Mary the best education possible for a Princess were not in vain and Henry showed proof that he meant what he said when he said Mary to live at Ludlow Castle.
Ludlow Castle, located in the Welsh Marshes, played home to Mary’s late uncle, Prince Arthur, as well as her mother during their brief marriage which ended with the tragic death of the former. Now, as Princess of Wales, Mary would also call it home and would command a household of nearly 400 servants, all of them catering to her every will. Mary must have felt very loved and appreciated by her father when he sent her to Ludlow as it showed his desire and contentment with her being named his heir, rather than living with the knowledge that her father wished she was a boy rather than a girl. Yet, despite her sex, Henry was known to have called his daughter “The Greatest Pearl in the Kingdom” and said “This child never cries.”
Henry was very much proud of and loved his daughter, and she wholeheartedly returned this love.
However, this loving and proud father-daughter relationship would soon take a cold, dark turn when her father turned around and announced his desire to divorce his wife and marry his mistress, Lady Anne Boleyn. Not only did her father parade his new mistress publicly in front of his loyal wife and young daughter but he disrespected and shamed her mother by claiming that they had been living in sin because he believed her mother consummated her first marriage to his late elder brother, meaning that God was punishing them for Henry ‘laying with his brother’s wife’ by denying them living sons.
Imagine how devastating it must have been for a teenage Mary to witness her father constantly worry over his ‘great matter’ a.k.a. the lack of a male heir, witness her father’s mistress walking around the court with her head held high knowing that the King preferred her over his wife but now behold her father disrespect her mother and their faith by accusing her of lying under God’s eye that she was a maiden when she wed her father. It must have been very traumatising for her to act as if nothing was happening when she was amongst members of the court, all the while behind the scenes she was suffering in silence as her father threatened to further shame her mother by divorcing her and making Mary illegitimate.
Mary’s religion was one of the most important things in her life and to see her father go against their faith by seeking a divorce as well as breaking from the Catholic Church in Rome would have caused conflict between the father and daughter. Although she would have never spoken out publicly against him and his intentions, it is undeniable that Mary must have expressed her concerns to her father (and mother, obviously) in private as a daughter to a father rather than a Princess to her King. Whether Henry VIII attempted to soothe the troubles of his young heartbroken daughter, we do not know and it is possible that for the first few years, Henry tried his best to keep his daughter unaware of everything that was happening but with how drama-based the Tudor royal court was, it was inevitable that she would know everything her father did in terms of achieving a divorce from her mother.
The tension between Mary and her father would have drastically tightened when her father made the decision to officially separate Mary from her mother. During this time, Mary had remained at court close to her mother and father but Henry wished to put an end to this. He understood that the mother-daughter duo were campaigning to prevent him receiving the divorce he sought and that as long as they were together, they would never succumb to his will. In 1531, Henry would send Catherine away to a house previously owned by Cardinal Wolsey that was now in the King’s possession called The Mores in Hertfordshire. Catherine would never see her husband nor her daughter again as Mary would be sent off to Richmond, ensuring a safe distance between the two so it would be difficult for them to attempt to meet in secret or communicate without the King knowing.
Of course, we do know from the previous post that Catherine secretly wrote Mary a letter that was delivered to her in 1534 by a trusted ally.
Their relationship continued to sour after Henry successfully divorced Catherine of Aragon and illegitimated Mary, now to be known by her new title as Lady Mary. Her mother was shamed furthermore by being moved from derelict estate to another as well as being informed that she could no longer use the title Queen of England and must now refer to herself as Dowager Princess of Wales. Catherine, naturally, refused to succumb further to Henry’s torment and continued to use this title with the risk of harsher punishment. Henry would most likely have sent trusted council members to visit Mary and Catherine separately, urging them to agree to Henry’s demand to recognise his second wife Anne Boleyn as the true Queen of England and his newborn daughter Elizabeth as the new Princess.
Both refused and Henry would soon begin to speak ill of not just his ex-wife but his eldest daughter also. Before his divorce, she was the ‘pearl’ of his kingdom but as soon as she began to disobey him, Henry declared her his ‘worst enemy in the world’ to his court which surprised many in the court, including the Spanish Ambassador Eustace Chapuys who was a close friend and ally to both Mary and Catherine. Eustace later explains to Mary that Henry’s nastiness towards her was impacted by Anne Boleyn who apparently made him act in this manner as she herself hated that Catherine was still alive (as some believed her the true Queen) and that Mary did not accept the Act of Succession like Anne wanted.
What only made things worst is Catherine’s death on 7th January 1536. Mary was still separated from her mother at the time of her death and her father refused to allow her to attend her mother’s funeral, causing further conflict between them. Catherine’s death would act as Mary’s breaking point in agreeing to meet her father’s demands; her mother was her only true ally in England and therefore, with her death, she was left defenceless and alone. All Mary wanted was to end the constant bullying and suffering she had suffered in the three years she had lived at Hatfield as part of her younger half-sister’s household, forever being watched and spied on by loyal followers or family members of Anne Boleyn.
Shortly following her mother’s death, Mary was visited by Eustace Chapuys who advised Mary to do as her father willed which included; accepting him as Supreme Head of the Church in England and the invalidity of her parents’ marriage and therefore her illegitimacy, meaning she had no right to the throne of England, unlike her half-sister Elizabeth. Chapuys feared that Catherine’s mentioning of martyrdom in her last letter to Mary would be in the cards if Mary continued to refuse to submit to the King. He advised her to submit to her father’s will even though it went against her conscience and everything that she believed in but that if she wrote a letter to the Pope explaining her reasons, her conscience would be clear and God would not punish her for her father’s crimes.
And so, on 22nd June 1536, Mary wrote the following two letters with a heavy heart, the first addressed to the King:
"Moste humbly prostrete before the feete of Your most excellent Majestie, your most homble, faythefull, and obediente subjecte, which hath so extremely offended Your most gratyous Highnes, that my heavie and fearfull hert dare not presume to calle you Father, ne Your Majesty hathe any cause by my desertes, saving the benignetye of your moste blessed nature dothe surmounte all evelles offences and trespasses, and is ever mercyfulle and redy to accepte the penytente callynge for grace, in any convenyente tyme. Havinge receaved this Thursdaye, at nighte, certene letteres from Mr. Secretary, aswell advisyng me to make my homble submyssyone immedyatly to your selfe, which because I durste not, without your gracyous lycence, presume to doe befor, I latly sente unto him, as sygnefyenge that your moste mercyfull harte and fatherly pyttye had graunted me your blessyng, with condissyone that I should persevere in that I had commenced and begoone; and that I should not eftsones offend Your Majesty by the denyall or reffusalle of any suche artycles and commaundementes, as it maye please Your Highenes to addresse unto me, for the perfite triall of myne harte and inward affectyone, for the perfait declaratyon of the bottome of my herte and stomake.
Fyrste, I knowledge my selfe to have most unkyndly and unnaturally offended Your most excellent Highenes, in that I have not submytted myselfe to your moste juste and vertuous lawes; and for myne offence thearin, which I must confesse wear in me a thousand folde more greevous, then they could be in any other lyving creature, I put myselfe holly and entyrely to your gratyous mercy; at whos handes I cannot receave that punishment for the same, that I have deserved.
Secondly, to opene my herte to Your Grace, in theis thinges, which I have heartofore refused to condiscend unto, and have nowe writtene with myne owne hand, sending the same to Your Highenes hearwith; I shall never beseeche Your Grace to have pyttye and compassyon of me, yf ever you shall perceave that I shall prively or appertly, vary or alter from one pece of that I have writtene and subscribed, or refuse to confyrme, ratefy, or declare the same, wher Your Majesty shall appointe me.
Thurdly, as I have and shall, knowinge your excelent learnynge, vertue, wisdome, and knoledge, put my soulle into your directyone; and, by the same, hathe and will, in all thinges, from hence foarthe directe my consyence, so my body I do holly commyte to your mercye and fatherlye pyttye; desiringe no state, no condissyone, nor no mannore degre of lyvinge, but suche as Your Grace shall appoynte unto me; knoledging and confessynge, that my state cane not be so ville, as ether the extremyty of justice wold appoynte unto me, or as myne offences have required and deserved. And what soever Your Grace shall comaunde me to doe, touchinge any of theyse pointes, ethere for thinges paste, presente, or to come, I shall as gladly doe the same, as Your Majestie cane comaund me. Moste homblye, therfor, beseeching your mercy, most gratyous Soveraine Lord and benigne Father, to have pyttye and compassyon of your myserable and sorowfull child; and, with the aboundance of your inestymable goodnes, so to overcome my iniquitie towardes God, Your Grace, and your holle realme, as I maye feele some sensyble tokene of reconsyllyation; which, God is my judge, I onely desyre, without other respect, to whome I shall dayly praye for the preservation of Your Highenes, with the Queenes Grace, and that it may please him to send you issue. From Hownsdon, this Thursdaye, at 11 of the clocke at nighte.
Your Graces moste humble and obedient Daughter and Handmayd,
Marye" {2}
And the second letter was her confession that she only wrote the above letter to end her suffering and that she hoped God would forgive her for her sins:
‘The confession of me, Lady Mary, made upon certain points and articles written below; in which I do now plainly and with all my heart confess and declare my inward sentence, belief and judgement, with due conformity of obedience to the laws of the realm; so, minding for ever to persist and continue in this determination without change, alteration or variance, I do most humbly beseech the king’s highness, my father, whom I have obstinately and disobediently offended in the denial of the same up to now, to forgive my offences therein, and to take me to his most gracious mercy.
First I confess and acknowledge the king’s majesty to be my sovereign lord and king, in the imperial crown of this realm of England; and do submit myself to his highness and to each and every law and statute of this realm, as it becomes a true and faithful subject to do; which I shall also obey, keep, observe, advance and maintain according to my bounden duty with all the power, force and qualities with which God had endued me, during my life.
I do recognize, accept, take, repute and acknowledge the king’s highness to be supreme head on earth, under Christ, of the church of England; and do utterly refuse the bishop of Rome’s pretended authority, power and jurisdiction within this realm, formerly usurped, according to the laws and statutes made on that behalf, and by all the king’s true subjects humbly received, admitted, obeyed, kept and observed.
And I do also utterly renounce and forsake all manner of remedy, interest and advantage which I may by any means claim by the bishop of Rome’s laws, processes, jurisdiction or sentence, at this time or in any way hereafter, by any manner of title, colour, means or cause that is, shall or can be devised for that purpose.
I do freely, frankly and for the discharge of my duty towards God, the king’s highness and his laws, without other respect, recognize and acknowledge that the marriage formerly had between his majesty and my mother, the late princess dowager, was by God’s law and man’s law incestuous and unlawful.’
Thankfully, shortly before writing these letters, Mary’s conscience might have been relieved a tad by the news that Anne Boleyn, the very woman responsible for her and her mother’s suffering, had been executed on Tower Green on 19th May 1536, hence why Mary did not have to accept Anne Boleyn as Queen because she had already been executed and her second stepmother Jane Seymour was in her place by this point in time. Following Mary’s letters, Henry VIII was finally satisfied that his eldest daughter had learned her lesson and Mary was welcomed back to court at Hackney within weeks along with gifts of clothes, jewels, money, and personal servants from her father whom she was about to see for the first time in five years since leaving in 1531.
The court that Mary was welcomed back into was not the same court that she had left as a child; Mary returned to court as a strong-willed, unfamiliar woman of twenty years of age rather than the beloved twelve-year-old princess of the court. She must have worried about what opinions the court had towards her and what her new stepmother might be like as her previous one was cold towards her. Mary hated Anne Boleyn and knowing that she was returning to court to meet a new stepmother must have caused unneeded stress and anxiety.
To Mary’s surprise and delight, it was revealed that her stepmother Jane Seymour had been working hard since becoming Queen to reunite Mary and Henry as well as restore her to the succession as it was a term that her followers agreed to if they helped her achieve the throne. You see, Jane was much more than the innocent, good-doing wife that she is made out to be, she was very intelligent and cunning—she also did the same for Elizabeth but later as it would have been dangerous to even mention Elizabeth so soon after Anne’s death.
The moment she entered the throne room, Mary was greeted by all within and Henry passionately embraced his estranged daughter. Jane was said to have kept a polite distance from her new stepdaughter but received a warm response from Mary in return. After all, Mary had less reasons to cause conflict between her and Jane since she had merely married her father after he fell in love with her and, in a way, she was responsible for ridding the world of the evil Anne Boleyn. Additionally, it was because of Jane that Mary had been removed from exile and welcomed back into court so the absolute least she could do is not stir up trouble with the new Queen.
After introducing Mary to his new wife, Henry awkwardly remarked on how some in his court urged him to execute Mary, almost threatening Mary that he could still do this if she posed trouble for him in the future, and Jane replied ‘it would have been a shame to lose England’s chiefest jewel.’ It is said that Henry chuckled in response, replying ‘Nay, that’s Edward’ before patting Jane’s pregnant belly. {3}
We do not know why this happened but shortly after this, Mary fainted into her father’s arms, causing worry amongst the court. Was the Lady Mary ill?
Mary’s fainting is not a surprising reaction to her situation as she literally just heard her father boast about how he once considered killing his daughter without even blinking an eyelid. Like it would be easy and emotionless of him to do so. Not to worry, Mary was perfectly fine and recovered swiftly afterwards, being escorted to her chambers to rest after an eventful day.
Whilst we will explore Mary’s relationship with Jane Seymour later (as well as that of Anne Boleyn), Mary’s relationship with Henry only improved following her return to court. Her father resumed his previous behaviour of showing off his children and their accomplishments to the court as he saw them as somewhat an extension of himself and the Crown. If the King’s children were achieving greatness, it only made the King look better. He praised her for her fluency in languages such as Latin, Spanish, and French whenever ambassadors visited their court as well as dancing with her occasionally during balls.
Although her relationship with her father was never the same as it had been before his divorce from her mother, Mary and Henry maintained a more mature, respectful relationship. Henry respected Mary’s religion as she never spoke out against his own religion publicly, he treated her with affection and tenderness as she must have missed during her exile and Mary’s love and obedience towards her father meant that when he changed his line of succession to include Mary as well as Elizabeth, Mary must have exhaled a relieving breath at the thought that her mother’s wish for her to one day become Queen was still in the cards. According to Henry, Mary would be next in line for the throne should her younger brother die unexpectedly before producing his own male heirs, hopefully being more successful than his father before him.
Of course, we know what fate had in store for the young Prince Edward, following Henry VIII’s death.
Due to their reconciliation, Henry’s death hit Mary hard—she was now officially an orphan and although her relationship with her father was still broken somewhat, she loved him dearly and knew that his death meant great changes would come to her beloved England. Many historians believe that Mary forgave her father for the pain and suffering he caused her during their five-year separation as she placed the majority of the blame onto Anne Boleyn who must have bewitched him to make him stray from God’s true path. It does make you wonder though if Henry ever apologised, or attempted to in the least, to his eldest daughter for everything he had done to her before he died.
Most likely, he did not as he was a proud, stubborn man but it would be nice to think that he did apologise to both her and Elizabeth. They deserved it after all, it could not have hurt him to do so, both of their mothers were dead because of him—Mary’s mother might have lived longer if she had remained Queen and Elizabeth’s might have been able to try again for the son Henry wanted or been sent to a nunnery, had Henry not wanted her dead.
I also wonder—how did Mary speak of her father following his death and during her own reign?
Did she finally speak honestly of how she suffered under his and Anne Boleyn’s rule?
Did she speak of him in the highest regard or with all the pain and hurt of a daughter abused by her father?
It is difficult to say but one thing is for certain, Henry was one hell of a crap father for the way that he treated both her and Elizabeth. Mary was only acting to protect her and her mother’s honour, rights and ultimately their lives. Henry was a self-righteous prick who deserves all the hate that he receives for the horrid torment and abuse he dealt to his wives, daughters, and the other women he hurt in his lifetime.
Shame on him. Had he acted better, history might remember him in a better light.
Until next time!
- Have a ‘Tudor-fic’ week!
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